Happy New Year! Here we are in January again.
Or ‘Veganuary’, if you’re going along with the campaign to take up a meat-free diet this month. Or ‘Januhairy’, if you’re a woman who’s decided not to shave any body hair. (I haven’t made this up; it’s a real thing.)
Or ‘Vaginuary’. (OK, I did make that one up.)
Other months have campaigns associated with them now, of course. October has become ‘Stoptober’, to encourage people to quit smoking. Then there’s ‘Movember’, when lots of men grow facial hair to raise awareness of men’s health issues – sometimes carrying this on into ‘Decembeard’.
But there are still quite a few months which don’t seem to have campaigns linked to their names. Always keen to help, I’ve come up with a few suggestions which could kick in after the hairy vegans have had their time:
Flabruary – for getting stuck into the cakes and putting the weight back on when the New Year’s diet fails.
EneMarch – to promote colonic irrigation as a way to cleanse oneself after the excesses of Flabruary.
Spaypril – encouraging pet owners to get their furry friends neutered.
ConsomMay – French soup month. Or AniMay – Japanese cartoon month. Or ResuMay – start-looking-for-a-new-job month.
Junicycling – promoting the unicycle, as the name suggests. May be hard to get off the ground, though.
You Lie – a month for calling out fake news. Could also take place in Fibruary.
Smorgasborgust – Scandinavian food month.
Sniptember – encouraging men to get a vasectomy. Pets may see this as fitting revenge for Spaypril.
Spocktober – Star Wars fans have their day every year (May the Fourth) – I’m not aware of an equivalent for Star Trek fans, so perhaps they could have a whole month.
Nofender – to promote banger racing in the US. Or Glowvember – nuclear power awareness month.
Treecember / Spreecember – campaigns encouraging people to decorate the home and spend loads of money are probably unnecessary in December. How about Eczemastime for people with itchy skin? Hmm, maybe not.